She said that she once exclaimed “Jesus Christ!” when angry or surprised. I asked, “Were you calling upon him (in invocation)?” She cried, saying “No,” explaining that it was just something she grew up saying without meaning (as is common among many a Westerner). I laughed in admiration and told her not to worry, that she did nothing wrong. Moreover, the fact that she feared Allah so much that she worried over something that any new Muslim would do, made her even better! I truly miss her. May Allah accept her and reunite me with her and our children in Paradise, ameen.

Interrogated by the FBI

In the days after the news of my wife’s death I would be pulled out of my cell, blindfolded, shackled, ear muffed and a bag put over my head. I was put in a car and driven away. I could hardly breathe… all I could think was: “They are going to shoot me.” I believe I thought this because I could feel the road change from pavement to dirt.

I figured: “Bag over my head, ear muffs, blindfold, dirt road, threats a
day before…I’m dead.”

I just repeated the shahadatain (Islamic testimonies of faith) again and again. I would end up at a sort of safe house where the FBI would question me. It became increasingly obvious that someone had informed on me, as they knew everything. But what bewildered me was that this “someone” had lied about a lot of things, unless that was just a tactic. Nonetheless, that misinformation was to later be in my paperwork, stating that it was given by a co-witness, a close associate of mine! The details of the few truths made it clear who did some of the talking. I understood then, that one of my beloved brothers had turned on me… I forgive those that did, as the conditions were unbearable. May Allah have Mercy on them.

Reunited with my Children

I was brought to another prison to stay at and was joined by my two daughters! I asked my four year old, while holding the baby, “What happened to Mommy?” She said in a soft, yet very hurt voice: “Mommy got hot with the fever… She went to Allah… They put her in the ground…” I burst into tears and held her, telling her: “I’m sorry. Daddy’s sorry…” Then I asked her, “Where is your brother?” She paused and said, “He ran away into the jungle… he only has one sandal Daddy...” I asked the police if they had a little boy in custody. They replied in the negative…

That night I was put in a cell while my daughters were kept somewhere else. Perhaps they were with the woman whom they were arrested with or with female police officers across the street.

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